<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>valentines &amp; freedom by third_degree</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22725781">valentines &amp; freedom</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/third_degree/pseuds/third_degree'>third_degree</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>freedom is relative, we are eternal. [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fairy Tail</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Fairy Tail Guild-Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Jerza-Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rakuen no Tou | Tower of Heaven Arc, Relationship Study</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:28:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22725781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/third_degree/pseuds/third_degree</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“There is no freedom in this world.”</p><p>Freedom is far too relative; she may be away from the tower but that doesn’t mean she is free.</p><p>-</p><p>...A look into the romantic aspect of Erza and Jellal's relationship. </p><p>(An unrelated one-shot for my freedom series- can be read stand alone)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jellal Fernandes/Erza Scarlet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>freedom is relative, we are eternal. [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1484444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>valentines &amp; freedom</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Since it's Valentine's day I figured I would write something on the more romantic side (still filled with tons of angst) for our delightfully heartbreaking pair. This will be taking place post cannon through the Tower of Heaven Arc. This doesn’t follow my series order as I have not uploaded the meeting between the two away from the tower but considering this is a study of the relationship as well I figured I'd include it. </p><p> This chapter is inspired by the song X&amp;Y by Coldplay so feel free to check that song out while reading this if you would like.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“Trying hard to speak and fighting with my weak hand.”</strong>
</p><p>Erza Scarlet knows many things; she knows how to calm down anxious mothers when their children disappear, she knows how to evaluate a situation and come up with a battle plan on the spot, she knows what allergies each of her guild members have.</p><p>After years of entrapment, she chose to learn <em>everything</em> she could. Perhaps it was to make up for all the years she missed out on while working herself to the bone for dark mages, or maybe it was so she could fill the never-ending void of emptiness that haunts her both body and soul.</p><p>Of course, there are somethings the young redhead cannot understand, no matter how hard she tries to learn, like how to have legible handwriting, how to play the guitar, or probably the most important one, <em>love</em>.</p><p>Love, the word sits heavily on the tip of her tongue.</p><p>She knows she cares for her guildmates, the type of care that would drive her to throw her body into the tip of a sword to take the hit for one of them, the kind of passion that would push her to lowest so long as they remain safe and happy. And that’s love? Isn’t it? When you would sacrifice your life and goals so long as the other person can continue to prosper? </p><p>But if what she feels for her guild is love, then what does she feel for Jellal?</p><p>The blue-haired boy who seems to own half of her heart, for him, it isn't merely caring. It’s more comparable to <em>worship</em>. The feeling that makes your knees weak, but yet you have the urge to run towards it. A love like religion, unexplainable <em>devotion</em> that grows inside your heart and mind, no matter how many times it’s questioned or argued, the <em>dedication</em> remains.</p><p>Loving Jellal was comparable to the relationship of earth to rain. The water that keeps plants growing, allowing humans to drink, cleansing the world in cold droplets. But with the shower comes the storm, the type of chaotic winds that rip tree’s out of the ground, the dark clouds that cover the sky promising to destroy your rooftop, demanding entrance into your home.</p><p>He was both the soft patter of rain on her windows and the thunderstorms that ripped apart her garden.</p><p>Not that Erza was any better.</p><p>If Jellal was water, then she was fire. The type of flame that kept you warm on cold nights, bright and vivid as you find peace in watching the snowfall outside your home, but also could suck away all oxygen, a blazing and savage wildfire, burning anything within its reach till all that’s left is black ash.</p><p>Fire and water. Two complete opposites yet so necessary for each other. </p><p>Fighting and loving. Blue and red. Good and evil. Fire and water.</p><p>Erza may not understand her relationship with him, <em>but she would call it love</em>.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>“Driven to distraction, it’s all part of the plan.”</strong>
</p><p>The Fairy Tail guild had a large reputation, not always in the most favorable light but a reputation none the less. Considering she was apart of said guild, it wasn’t surprising when she became more known in the magic community. Being the youngest member to complete the S-Class trials at the young age of fifteen, using a rare form of magic and being tremendously powerful gained her much attention. Some negative, some respectful, and of course, some more romantic.</p><p>Declarations of love, fan mail, relationship offers, none of these were rare events for the redhead. Typically she would ignore them, allowing more people into her heart is dangerous. The ones already residing there are still kept behind a shield of armor, hiding the emotional and scared little girl from prying eyes. To invite someone to remove that barrier is a risk she cannot take.</p><p>Yet she is human, even if she keeps a cold exterior or finds solace is platonic relationships does not mean she doesn’t crave some sort of closer emotional care. Erza was deprived of the love of a parent for years, the company of a friend, and when she finally got a taste of such things, it was ripped away, so even if she tries to convince herself she doesn’t crave it, she is merely lying to herself.</p><p>Over the years, she tried to find such in small dinner dates with other mages, more often than not, it was a one-time incident, unable to bring herself to open up to the willing party. She would tell herself they just weren’t a match, never acknowledging that she was the one refusing to commit.</p><p>It wasn’t until valentine’s day that she realized the real problem.</p><p>She had spent the day watching her guildmates coupling up for drinks and dinners until she realized she was <em>lonely</em>. Unwilling to show this longing to her family, she chose to leave. But even the city streets she walked each day were a painful reminder, couples holding hands and giving each other flowers on the sidewalk, heart-shaped decorations plastered on the bakery’s windows, practically taunting her.</p><p>Somehow in her state of wallowing in desolation, Erza found herself at a local pub; not many patrons were there, but all who were seemed to be in the same state of isolation. Something about the environment seemed comfortable; no one seemed to care who she was or why she was so melancholic. The young mage could simply soak in her newfound emotions without judgment.</p><p>Erza spent a solid hour nursing the same drink, merely starring at the wooden table in the far back of the room, lost in memories of chains and magic soldiers. If it were any other day, or if she hadn’t been so overwhelmed, she would have noticed the new presence making their way towards her table.  No words spoken as a young man sat across from her, bright blonde hair and deep brown eyes.</p><p>He starts some small chat on topics neither of them truly cares for, how cold it’s been lately, and the new restaurant that only specializes in magic potion-based foods. Erza can’t help but feel grateful for the distraction he poses, no longer are her thoughts plagued in gloom, instead pointless politeness. Maybe that’s why she moved closer to him, or it could be the fact that he doesn’t remind her of <em>him; in</em> the end, the reasoning doesn’t matter.</p><p>It takes a little over forty-five minutes for the two to kiss, one kiss leads to another and the next things she knows she is practically sitting on his lap. Her hands in his hair, pulling at the soft strands, his soft hands (<em>not covered in calluses or rough from scars</em>) are rubbing circles on her hips- <em>thank Mavis she requiped put of her armor</em>- easing her into his touch (<em>it’s been so long since she found comfort in someone touch, why hadn’t she done this sooner.</em>) The two breakaway to breathe, and before she can move in again, he finds a place on her neck, butterfly soft kisses shower her skin before he finds a spot right under her ear that makes her whole body shake.</p><p>On the tip of her tongue is a moan begging to come out.</p><p>(<em>Such a soft caress, like part of her is being stitched back together</em>-)</p><p>Her hands grip his hair tighter as she pulls his head back up to hers so she can kiss him again.</p><p>(-<em>Oh God Jellal</em>.)</p><p>She opens her eyes, and the spell is broken. This man’s eyes are brown, not <em>green</em>, and his hair is blonde, not <em>blue</em>.</p><p>
  <em>This is wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. </em>
</p><p>She jumps up, concern fills his eyes, and she feels bile in her throat. Erza doesn’t even register her whole body shaking as she gives him a tear-filled glance out of her one visible eye.</p><p><em>“I’m sorry… I- I can’t…”</em> She stutters the words out, voice small and weak as she dashes for the door.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>“When something is broken, and you try to fix it. Trying to repair it, anyway you can.”</strong>
</p><p>Erza runs, where to? She has no idea. She is running away from that man, that bar, running faster and faster as if it will put this moment behind her.</p><p>At some point she falls, she could have tripped or maybe her legs just gave out, either way, Erza finds herself on the ground in some park, without even realizing it she has requpied back into her armor, the cold steel around her chest feels like the only thing keeping her heart from falling out of her chest. Chocked sobs come out of her throat as she feels cold tears running down the side of her face, hands in the dirt as she looks to the moon illuminating the dark sky.</p><p>
  <em>She’s been here before.</em>
</p><p>Only now the ocean is replaced by dirt. But she’s here again, years later, a grown woman, and she’s here <em>again</em>. How many more times can she do this? <em>How many more ways are there for his existence to keep her hostage</em>?</p><p>Erza feels nauseous as if she went back in time, and all that saltwater is in her throat again. She feels the urge to throw up, yet there is nothing to vomit. All she has are the touches of a man who isn’t him and the taunting and horrifying memories in her head. <em>Is this love</em>? Becoming sick at the thought of someone other than him?</p><p>The rest of the night is a haze, at some point between two and three am she found herself back at her dorm, she stripped herself bare and scrubbed at her skin till it was bright red and raw, till there was no physical reminder of that night. By the time she was in bed, her mind was blank, allowing the empty void inside to swallow her whole.</p><p>That night she didn’t read her romance novel; the thought of love made her <em>sick</em>.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>“I dive in at the deep end, you become my best friend. I wanna love you but I don’t know if I can.”</strong>
</p><p>Typically when Erza’s ugly past would show its face, she would suffer from nightmares, the type that leave her chocking for air, the kind that push her to smash her head on the wooden frame of her bed so she can wake up from the petrifying dream.</p><p>Unlike usual that night, she dreamed of soft green eyes before they were corrupted by madness and anger, the feeling of his hands gently holding hers as they spoke of plans to build a little home on the edge of the forest. They would plant fruit trees and hike up vast mountains to watch the sunrise coating the sky.</p><p>Memories of Jellal promising they would always have food to eat and the nights when he would hold her close to his chest, tight grips on her arms that never left bruising, only comforting gestures, sweet words, and soft lips on her forehead. Her mind showing her images of her best friend, those moments when their hearts aligned, and the terror of the world they lived in slipped away into the background.</p><p>
  <em>All they had, all they wanted, was each other. </em>
</p><p>If you were to look into the eyes of those two dirt ridden children you would see such unwavering <em>devotion</em>, the type of love seen in fantasies and storybooks, such care that you wouldn’t know they lived with enough pain and baggage to start a war, destroy of the city<em>, kill in cold blood</em>.</p><p>That valentine’s day night, Erza Scarlet dreamed of her best friend. For the first time in years, it felt like her heart was back in its correct place, and her <em>soul</em> <em>was</em> <em>complete</em> again.</p><p>And when she woke up the next day something clicked in her mind- no matter how much she hated it, loathed the fact and wished to rip the idea from her mind with her bare hands, smash it on the ground, engulfing it in flames, and leave it to burn- <em>she loved Jellal Fernandes.</em></p><p>Erza didn’t cry out of pain that day, no, she cried for the love that would never be shown, the love that would never be given room to grow, a love instead doomed to destroy a tower and leave two star crossed lovers in its wake.</p><p>Their story will always be tragic- <em>no happy endings, homes in the forest or trips around the world</em>-</p><p>-but she loves him enough to accept this fate.  </p><hr/><p>
  <strong>“I know something is broken, and I’m trying to fix it, trying to repair it anyway I can.”</strong>
</p><p>The tower is <em>crumbling</em>, the same tower that stripped away their innocence to build, it seems almost symbolic of their relationship. The love they had finally reached its peak as they embrace in a final show affection, their devotion to one another finally acknowledged as their futures crumble away waiting to take their last breathes.</p><p>Jellal admits to the fact he was taken advantage of, his mind corrupted by an evil spirit that forced him into a spiral of insanity and anger. In that moment, Erza thinks she has never truly felt pain because as the words fall out of his mouth, she can’t stop the hurt in her chest. This is different than the disappointment when she failed to free everyone, or when she let herself get bested by some enemy.</p><p>This pain- <em>banging</em> and <em>burning</em> through her heart- she <em>failed</em>. She failed to save him from such pain, failed to stop him from being forced down this path.</p><p>And <em>it’s all her fault.</em></p><p>Because he was only in that room because he came to save <em>her</em>, Jellal wasn’t supposed to be punished in her place. He wasn’t supposed to be exposed to such darkness. He was only there to help her.</p><p>How does one apologize for something like this? All this time, she’s been plotting against him and loathing his existence for something that she help contribute to.</p><p>She holds onto his shoulders in a tighter grip, breathes in his scent as if she can cover herself in it. There is so much she wants to say, she wants to grab his hand and throw them off this tower in hopes maybe the water will catch their fall and allow them to live even for a day longer, so they can exist together for just another moment.</p><p>But you can’t stop the freight train known as <em>fate</em>, and they have to go down with this tower. Their story has to end here, so she picks her head up from his shoulder and looks him dead in the eyes- for the first time in years, she sees that same little boy who named her in a cold and dirty cell- gathering up all her courage she speaks.</p><p>“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I couldn’t save you back then.”  </p><p>Jellal gently grabs her face as his warm voice fills her ears.</p><p>“Erza, you have saved <em>me</em>.” Maybe if her heart wasn’t aligned with his, or if she truly hated him, she would have seen through those words, <em>selfish, selfish, selfish words.</em></p><p>Either way, the hold each other closer as the rubble falls around the lovers, this is how their story goes, there is a <em>tower,</em> and it is <em>falling</em>, there is a <em>couple,</em> and they are <em>dying</em>.</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>“You and me are floating on a tidal wave, together.”</strong>
</p><p>The fight is over, and Erza is faced with two paths. There are two roads, symbolized in the two men on the ground.</p><p>The brunette who loved her, a <em>pure</em> and unrestricted type of love that lead him to <em>sacrifice</em> himself for her. A man who loved her against all the odds and kept his faith until his dying breath. Simon loved her in a way that she never understood, in her world of wildfires and thunderstorms, he was the warm sun, something soft and gentle compared to her harsh and sharp existence.</p><p>Across the room is the blue-haired man she has loved her whole life. The one who killed her best friend, <em>lied</em>, <em>betrayed</em>, and <em>loved</em> her. Jellal, the boy-turned-man who she has spent years dedicated to, the person who she helped lead into the darkness. The only one who can destroy her walls and see past her armor.</p><p>Time is running out; the tower is crumbling, and ethernano is leaking into the air. Erza is faced with the choice of fighting for her life, attempting to save herself so she can live another day, baring the guilt of losing. Once again, she will be away from this tower haunted by memories, or she can <em>end</em> all of this now. She can sacrifice herself here and now, absorb the magic and let herself find rest in the place she was always destined to end in.</p><p>She takes one final look at Jellal’s unmoving body; this is the end, the last time she will see his body. She will become Atlas, bearing the weight of their mistakes on her back, letting this tower suck away her life force, maybe that will <em>redeem</em> them, the two powerful and broken mages can give the world something <em>good</em> to counter all the <em>chaos</em> they created.</p><p>Erza never gave much thought to God or any sort of afterlife. Someone like her, someone who exists in-between good and evil, someone who loves the darkness and lives in the light, someone like her doesn’t deserve to find peace- <em>she knows this</em>- but maybe if there is a God, she can be granted <em>forgiveness</em>.  </p><p>Maybe <em>they</em> can be given salvation, so she prays for a moment. If there is a final resting place, may they be given a chance to finally be one. To live without anger or pain, to build a home, not a prison, to love each other without <em>hurting</em> each other.</p><p>With this prayer, she pushes her weak body into the lacrima, burning sensations run across her body as she closes her eyes. Erza allows herself to drift into the magic, taking her body hostage and leaving her an empty shell of a girl. She doesn’t fight the fatigue that falls over her mind as the world around her falls away-</p><p>
  <em>there is nothing left, tragic and beautiful Erza Scarlet is no more.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <strong>“You and me are drifting into outer space.”</strong>
</p><p>In another world, two young adults are seen. Smiles aligning their faces as they sit in a small cabin, sunlight seeping through the windows as a young blue-haired man places plates on a small dining room table. A tall redhead is seen in a white dress as she grabs a salad bowl and a plate of meat, placing even proportions on each plate.</p><p>“This looks amazing, Erza.” The young man speaks to the girl now known as Erza</p><p>The girl smiles at the praise before speaking, “Thank you Jellal, I tried a different seasoning this time, if worse comes to worst I’ve got cake in the fridge.” Her soft voice rings out as the man chuckles to himself.</p><p>“I don’t doubt that you do.” Jellal says as he digs into his food, the two sit in peaceful silence as they enjoy their dinner, at some point, the sun starts to go down, the bright light replaced by a warm orange and pink sunset.</p><p>The young couple cleans up once they are done before retiring to the front porch, books in their hands as Erza lays her head in his lap. No words are spoken as they read their literature, enjoying the others company, a hand runs through long red strands as a soft sigh comes from the young woman.</p><p>In another world, Erza and Jellal hike up the mountains every weekend, Jellal teaches magic to young children while Erza runs self-defense classes. They wake up in each other’s arms every morning and share stories of their days every night.</p><p>A small cabin's lights go out as the young couple whisper their goodnights and dream of vacations and starting a family. In this world, the tragic mages live out their days in peace and gratitude.</p><hr/><p>Erza Scarlet awakes to find herself in her guildmates’ arms, her heart is beating, and her mind is clouded, but she knows- like how she knows that strawberry cake is better than vanilla, or that you should hold pressure on a bullet wound- <em>she knows he saved her.</em></p><p>Jellal took her place. He chose to bear the weight of their sins in her place.</p><p>She may still have much to learn, things she has yet to understand, but-</p><p>she now knows without a shred of a doubt, without any resistance or hesitation that <em>she loves him.</em></p><p>
  <em>Tbc.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this was wild, first off I would like to apologize for how long it has taken me to update, I have officially moved across the country on my own which has been rather stressful, and I'm just now getting back into my regular writing habits.  </p><p>For Valentine's day, I couldn’t help but write my favorite heartbreaking ship. This chapter was more or less unrelated to my series. Still, since this was another relationship study, I figured I'd put this in as well. When I get to writing the tower of heaven arc, I will include the dialogue and fight scenes; this was less about that arc and more about the progression of Erza's romantic associations towards Jellal. </p><p>For anyone interested in this series, please let me know if you would like me to write about Erza and Mystogan's meeting during the battle of fairy tail arc? It's rather short, but if anyone wants it, I can write something and possibly add in a bit from the Edolas arc. </p><p>I hope everyone is having a delightful start to their new year and a happy Valentine's day. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>